Can You Skip the Small Talk Phase in a Relationship?

As a psychology guy, I love any articles that dive into the confusion behind why we do what we do, especially in relationships. When you first meet someone you might be into, you inevitably have to go through the awkward “small talk” phase before jumping into a relationship. I personally would argue the small talk phase is one of the best parts of a relationship, exploring someone’s personality on your own and deciding whether or not you’re on the same wavelength. However, I may have found something that’s cracked the code to skipping the awkward stuff and getting right down to business.

I recently stumbled across a post on Imgur (which I spend way too much time on), that talked about a study done by a guy named Arthur Aron. Arthur wanted to see if you could jump past that awkward small talk phase in a relationship, and get right down to the intimacy.

To do this, he curated a list of questions and tasks that could possibly lead to you falling in love with somebody, possibly within 30 minutes of meeting them. Can you imagine showing up to a Tinder date with a list of questions to put this to the test? Some of the questions are pretty damn personal, and would definitely be serial killery to ask without the other person agreeing to go through this list… so, don’t show up to your first date with a list of questions and demands without a prior warning! The questions and tasks are broken into three sets of categories, each diving deeper into getting to know someone.

Set I: Oh, hey, nice to meet you.

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1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II: Scoot a lil closer, but leave room for Jesus.

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13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III: Did we just become best friends/lovers for life?

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25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…“
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…“
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

If you end up trying this, PLEASE let us know, I would love to hear about. I would have so many questions. Do you just immediately start making out after question #36? Do you immediately go Facebook official? I’ve gotta know. Comment below or head to the Get in Touch page to tell me your thoughts!

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